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Post by Xyla on Jul 2, 2007 18:06:48 GMT -5
The first lights of the day were beginning to stretch out across the land...
..and a not-so-grand and not-so-glamorous ship by the name of Lame-O neared the harbor of Palo.
Aboard the ship were, for some reason, a bunch of tourists who were evidently interested by the prospect of a town under attack by raiders, and two legendariest heroes..
Their names were Xyla and Sora, and at the present point in time, they were on deck, gazing out at the lovely scenery.
"You know, Sora, it sure was convenient that this tourist ship happened to be leaving port for Palo when we needed it," Xyla pointed out as she examined threads of her blonde luscious and lethal hair. "I think I have split ends..."
"Yeah, well, we're legendariest heroes," Sora said as she sipped a glass of root beer. "Things all go our way. That's how it's supposed to be."
"True... still, things seemed a little too easy..." Xyla said doubtfully. "Sora, if I die in the upcoming assassination attempt, I just want you to know..."
"Oh, argleblaster!" Sora interrupted. "No one's going to die and you know it! Come on, we're heroes! Typically, all the bad guys are going to lose to us despite the obvious advantage and powers they have. We pwn!"
Xyla sighed. "Yeah, but still! If I die, I'd just like you to know that I was the one who dyed your hair hot pink that one time before we turned legendariest blond, I broke your favorite bunny toy when you were ten, I ate your ice cream cake before you even saw it on your fourteenth birthday, I tripped and dropped your boba when you went to the restroom that time we were shopping, I broke your windows and laid the blame on a snow yeti when I tossed your shield, thinking it was a frisbee (copyrighted), and I was the one who left that bucket of fish on your bed that time I visited you two years ago."
"..."
"..."
"...."
"...."
"I hope you die."
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Post by Sora on Jul 3, 2007 12:52:05 GMT -5
While they were disembarking the ship and showing the officer their fake permits (obtained through evidently legendary ways, of course), Sora turned to face Xyla. "Say, don't you think this is a little odd?"
"What is?" Xyla tucked her permit away and tilted her head inquiringly to the side. Sora sighed, buckling on her sword.
"Well...you know...all of this!" She waved her arms around. "Why would Navarre attack Rolante, of all times, now? When Atra could be invading?"
"That is pretty weird..." Xyla mused, rubbing her chin as they exited the port into the harbor town, milling with people. "Oh, by the sweet luscious hair of Gilbert! I think I know what's going on!"
"What?" Sora exclaimed.
"The Navarre army must actually be all zombies and monsters or something, controlled by Atra to make Rolante think that Navarre is attacking them, so Rolante will strike back against Navarre when it's actually Atra, causing more chaos! So when they invade, everyone will be divided and no one will be able to strike against Atra!"
"OH MY GOSH!" Sora slapped her cheeks. The two mercenaries stared suspiciously at a soldier who was patrolling by. "Hmm...he definitely looks too pale to me..." Xyla muttered.
"Did you bring any holy water?" Xyla checked her pockets.
"Yep...got a vial here. How about you?"
"I have two." Sora nodded decisively. "We better save these for the commander. I mean, he might be a VAMPIRE! Oh my."
Suddenly, a scream distracted the two legendariest heroes from their legendary preparations. Xyla and Sora instantly looked over to the post office, in front of which the commotion was coming from.
"Help! He's trying to - ahhhh!"
"It looks like a girl is getting harrassed by a soldier over there!" Xyla conveniently narrated. Some tourists gathered, taking pictures, pointing, and 'ooh'-ing and 'aah'-ing. "Seeing as we're heroes, we might as well go and save her!"
"But aren't we supposed to be sneaky and not get noticed until the assassination thingie?"
"Who cares! Being rash and not thinking about our decisions is part of the hero contract. Let's go!"
"Um...okay!"
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Post by Xyla on Jul 5, 2007 23:09:48 GMT -5
"Out of the way, please, we need to go through, darn you!" Sora yelled as patiently as possible when they neared the front of the post office. It was hard to keep your calm when you're with a mob of persistent tourists with the amazing talent of forming a crowd within seconds of the start of an interesting occurence.
"Let me have a try at this," Xyla muttered. Stepping up to the back of the crowd, she yelled, "In accordance with the Rolantan Obstruction Law of 1384, it is against the law to be obstructing officers in the execution of their duty.* Offenders are subject to up to two centuries in prison, depending on the life span of the said offender's species. As we are currently under indirect orders from the Queen herself to carry out the assassination of the Commander of the Navarre troops, it is imperative that you get out of the way so we may get to the soldier so we can totally kick his arse. Which somehow has something to do with the assassination of his commander. Yes. So move it, peeps!"
"Impressive speech (not like it's working)! I never knew you studied law," Sora commented.
"Eh, I was studying to be a law student before my life got utterly jacked up and I decided to take up this hero business. I regret that switch of career options everyday these days. We heroes never get any respect, but look at that Edgeworth!"
"Well, the mob's ignoring you. That's respect and appreciation for you."
Xyla yelled once again. "Don't you people care about the Rolantan law? You are on Palo soil, you know!"
"Screw the rules, I've got money!" a man in the crowd shouted.
Sora twitched. "Xyla, with tourists like this, there's only one thing to do.." she jumped up and down, pointing to a random direction, and yelled, "There's a troll smashing up the City Hall right there!"
Simultaneously, as if in unspoken agreement, the mob turned and ran down the street towards City Hall, trampling some Navarran soldiers on the way.
Now that the crowd was taken care of, Xyla and Sora ran to the harrassing soldier, who obviously fails at being a harrassing soldier, considering he has failed to progress in his robbing and is still in the primary stage of trying to jerk the bundle from the frail woman.
"HOLD IT! Just what do you think you're doing?!" Sora pressed.
Without waiting for an answer, Xyla tossed the Eternal Sword at the soldier. Surprisingly, it hit...
...the random soldier staring off at sea at least fifty yards away from the target. He gave a cry, then toppled into the sea.
"Oops. Oh, well. My sword always comes back anyway. It's like, a boomerang! Must be a typical hero thing. Carry on."
Sora drew her sword and pointed it dramatically at the soldier.
"You are in for a world of hurting."
"..."
"HEY!" Sora yelled. "You're not supposed to say anything after I say a dramatically cliched line! It's supposed to signal the end of the chapter, or section, or whatever! You just messed it up!"
"Screw the rules, I've got green hair!" Xyla yelled defiantly, touching her luscious locks.
"Actually, you've been blonde since the LLL incident," Sora pointed out helpfully.
"Oh, right. I'm sorry," Xyla said apologetically. She then struck a pose.
"I'm going to make you regret ever being born."
*Too much Ankh Morporkian City Watch novels does that to you. + +Terry Pratchett books make you want to add footnotes all the time, as well.
((Happy early Merry Christmas? ;D Color effects FTW!))
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Post by Sora on Jul 6, 2007 0:55:17 GMT -5
((more private jokes! Screw the money, I have rules. Mmyes Edgeworth.
I...will roleplay later. >_> After...I go to sleep. Yeah. Speaking of Terry Pratchett, I'm reading Maskerade right now. :O oh by the way...*pause* I was going to say something, but I forgot.
whoop de do.))
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Post by Sora on Jul 6, 2007 11:28:01 GMT -5
"Oh really?!" the soldier challenged, letting go of the girl.
"Yeah really!" Xyla responded, unsheathing her sword.
"No way!" the soldier replied.
"Seriously!"
"...Anyway..." Sora unsheathed her own sword dramatically. "Run!" she said heroically to the harrassed woman. "We'll hold him off!"
The lady ran off, leaving the two questionable heroes to face the soldier. "Do you really think you can win against my..." he brandished his fingers. "INVISIBLE GUNS?!"
"OH MY GOSH!" Sora exclaimed, again. "Invisible guns?! There's nothing we can do against those! Even though guns don't exist in this time era! It's too late...we've lost..." she dropped to her knees in defeat. Xyla, who was watching in interest and sipping a boba milk tea (more anachronisms! ((Thanks Mrs. Robertson))), started forward to begin the dramatic courage-gathering, but instead tripped so her boba went flying...drenching the soldier! Gasp!
The solder in turn started flailing around, losing his invisible guns. "No! Not the Bobas of Eternity! Slightly soft on the outside, and wonderfully chewy in the middle! I would've won, if it wasn't for you and those meddling kids - "
"No Scooby Doo references, mister."
The soldier ignored her. "With my last dying breath, I will summon the Navarre troops on you!"
"Thanks for narrating," Xyla remarked. The soldier blew a whistle, then collapsed in a puddle of...tapioca. True to his word, only moments later a whole troop of soldiers marched up.
"What is the meaning of this?" one bellowed, then noticed the tapioca. "Mm, boba. Slightly soft on the outside, but wonderfully chewy in the middle."
"Sir, it seems they're assassins after the commander's life!" one of the soldiers told him. "How I know that, I have no idea!"
"Hm!" the first soldier went. "We'd better call the commander over, just in case!"
Why?...Sora wondered. Oh well. Makes our job easier. "Now's our chance!" she muttered to Xyla, who frowned. "But there's a lot of them! We're almost surrounded."
"Uh...I'll figure something out later." Xyla shrugged and accepted this. "Hey...do you hear, like...harp music?"
Sora frowned and tilted her head to the side. "Hey, that's funny...I do..."
"All hail Commander Riche Charme!" Xyla and Sora stared in the direction of the noise. Sure enough, a silhouette appeared in the mist (although it was a sunny day), then emerged to reveal it was a man with enthrallingly luscious, long black hair. Quite typically, he was very sexy and yet girly. "Ooh, he's definitely a villain," Sora muttered. "Ooh, he's definitely hot," Xyla sighed. "I mean...huh?"
Riche Charme threw his hair sexily through the air and stared curiously at the two. "Are these two the intruders?" he asked the soldier. ("He's got a sexy accent!" gasped Xyla. "Stop falling for the enemy!" countered Sora, whacking her.) "Yes, sir!" the soldier saluted. "Those are the ones! They killed poor Bob with boba!"
"Slightly soft on the outside, but wonderfully chewy in the middle?"
"That's right, sir!"
"All right. At ease." Commander Charme turned to face Sora and Xyla. "I see you two have quite luscious hair. Just like..." he tossed his hair sexily again. "Me!"
"How can this be?!" Xyla gasped. "Gilbert only taught heroes, not villains!"
Riche Charme shook his finger at her in a very sexy Edgeworth-like manner. "Tsk, tsk. Not true. Before he taught heroes, Gilbert was an expert mentor at being a villain. I myself learned under him, and inherited the luscious hair."
"Well, this is a shock," Sora remarked. "So...what now?"
"Seeing as we are fellow students, I propose we have a fair match." The Navarrian smiled sexily. "You two, against me."
"What's the catch?" Xyla inquired cautiously. Riche's smile widened sexily. "If you lose, you're my prisoners. If I lose, I'll surrender peacefully and withdraw my troops from Rolante. All in the name of lusciousity."
"Mm...those are good odds," Sora muttered. Xyla nodded. "And we have holy water!"
"Oh, right! I forgot that he was most likely a vampire!" Sora looked to Riche Charme and raised her hand. "Um, we accept your challenge. But first, I have a question."
"Yes?" Riche preened himself sexily.
"How are you so pale? I mean, don't you come from the desert? Shouldn't you have a tan?"
"I'm a villain."
"Oh." That explained a lot.
((http://www.lollicup.com/images/body-boba-all.jpg. See for yourself. I used the word sexy eight times in this rp. I think I included that word in every sentence that was talking about Riche Charme...oh, and I know lusciousity isn't a word. This rp...made no sense at all.))
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Post by Xyla on Jul 8, 2007 23:28:22 GMT -5
"Let the match begin!" one of Riche's nameless lackeys announced with flair. He then struck a conveniently placed gong with a surprisingly strong force... for a lackey. (unbeknownst to most, the soldier's name was Usse Gnihtonrofdoog Les, who, as his name suggests, is good for nothing and useless. Though his parents must have taken great care to name him, most people prefer to refer to him as Joe. That's life of the nameless for ya. Each time he strikes the gong, he imagines it as stricking the face of the sexy Riche. Them sexy villains get all the attention! But what about their underappreciated lackeys, huh??) The sound rang out, signalling the start of the fight. Riche stepped out, looking quite cool with his fur jacket. Wait. Fur jacket?
"Hey, was he wearing that fur jacket before?" Sora asked in a low whisper as she stared at Riche, disbelieving what she's seeing.
They ceased pondering the presence of the jacket when, dramatically, Riche Charme flung his jacket off into the sky. Quite sexily, too, if I may add.
Sora twitched. "Xyla, let's get him!"
That was when she noticed that Xyla wasn't, in fact, standing next to her. Rather, Xyla was sprawled on the ground disgracefully. Drops of red liquid stained her clothes and glinted bright red under the sun.
"Whoa! Xyla, are you bleeding? Did Riche attack you? But how can that be? Does he have the ability to attack magically? Is he god-moding? Oh my gosh! Don't die!"
Xyla grunted, then slowly stood up.
Sora panicked. If Riche is so powerful that he could attack without either of us being aware of it, then we have almost no chance of defeating him! All we have is... holy water! What do we do now? Can we get close enough to spill the water on him?
That was when Sora noticed that Xyla was, in fact, clutching her nose. Then she knew.
"Xyla, don't tell me.. when he flung off the jacket... " she twitched again. "YOU SUCK, XYLA!" Riche smirked as he watched all the proceedings with the smug amusement of a villain. Sora gritted her teeth as she wondered just how well they'd fare against Riche.
Then.. Fortune smiled upon the two unlucky heroes.
"Hey, boss!" another unnamed lackey (presumably Bill) called.
"Yes?" Riche answered sexily, as he turned to face the direction of the voice.
Now's the chance! Sora thought to herself. Grabbing the bottle of Holy Water from her pouch, she dashed madly towards Riche, taking off the cork as she ran. When she stood within reach of Riche, she poured it at Riche's mildly surprised face. "Take that!"
There was a sudden silence as everyone held their breath. Everyone noted that Riche manages to look elegant and sexy despite being drenched. His hair, without a doubt, was also as luscious as ever.
"Well, well. That was refreshing," Riche said, shaking his head.
"How can this be?!" Xyla exclaimed. "Aren't you supposed to be a pile of ashes, or something! That was holy water!"
Riche raised an eyebrow sexily. "Really? What, did you think I was a vampire?"
"But you're pale and sexy and everything! Aren't those the obvious signs of a vampire?"
Once again, Riche shook his finger in an Edgeworth-like manner. "Many people are pale and sexy in this world. Gilbert is pale and sexy as well, if you've noticed."
Sora gasped. "He's right! Lots of people are pale and sexy!"
Xyla gasped, for a different reason. "He thinks Gilbert's sexy! Do you think those two have got it going..?
Sora stared at Xyla. "What?"
"He thinks Gilbert's sexy! How can that be? Are they.... lovers??"
Riche laughed. "Gilbert's sexiness is acknowledged by villains dimension-wide. No, we are not lovers.."
Xyla breathed a sigh of relief. "Phew, I was worried there for a se-"
"...but I am indeed homosexual. All unimaginably pale, sexy, and dramatic villains are. Fangirls would die for yaoi."
"............................................................"
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Post by Sora on Jul 9, 2007 20:05:21 GMT -5
"No matter what the case, we will defeat you!" Xyla unsheathed her sword dramatically (it had come back to her when Bob had been hit by the Boba of Eternity) and pointed it to Riche. The sun ran down the edge of the blade and made a "ching!" sound, showing how very shiny it was. "For great justice!"
"Wait." Sora lowered her sword (as she was also pointing it dramatically). "I thought we were doing it for the money..."
"Shh, you're ruining the dramatic moment!" Bill whispered. "Sorry," Sora muttered, raising her sword again. Riche Charme tossed his hair sexily (which was dry all of a sudden), pulling out his rapier and brandishing it.
"Very well." He smirked sexily. "Then let us dance!"
"........................................."
"Let us dance???" Sora burst out in agitation, almost dropping her sword. "What kind of taunt is that? That's not menacing or evil! That's just...gay."
Commander Charme also lowered his sword, smiling sheepishly. "Well, it's kind of hard to say something cool when you have a girly weapon like a rapier..."
"That's some excuse! I could do better!" Xyla sheathed the Eternal Sword and ran over. Charme handed over his rapier and Xyla pointed it at him. "...Hey, you're right. All I can think of is dancing and saying en garde."
"Let me try!" Sora came over too and took the rapier. "Oh, what the hey. I can't think of anything but dancing and saying cliche French terms. How about...let us begin the dance of death!"
Charme and Xyla shook their head, looking disappointed.
"Um...darn, this stuff is really hard..." Sora sighed, and lowered the rapier, not noticing that Charme had stepped forward in front of her to take it back. She flicked it back upwards, then gasped when a single strand of Charme's hair was cut off. "Oh. Whoops."
"........................................."
"Oooooh, they're so dead," Usse whispered to Bill, who nodded sadly. (And that was the last time Usse ever did anything.)
Riche snapped his fingers, and his rapier returned to him in a sparkle of pretty lights. "At this juncture of maturation, I shall attack you," he intoned sinisterly, a wind conveniently picking up and sending his pretty black locks aflutter.
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Post by Sora on Jul 20, 2007 11:03:11 GMT -5
A crowd of tourists swarmed around quickly, enveloping the duelists ((hehe, duelists! *shot*)) in a tight circle. And now the story will briefly revolve around a girl named Jane and her friend Angela who will never show up again in the back of the circle, because the real Xyla and Sora are too lazy to dictate a real fighting scene.
"Like, gag me with a spoon!!!" exclaimed Jane, jumping up and down in an attempt to see but failing because of the mostly tall people in front of her. "I, like, can't see a thing!!!"
"I know!!!! We'll never, like, get to see Riche Charme at this rate!!!!" exclaimed Angela, likewise jumping.
"Totally!!!!" Jane scowled and waved her autograph book. "How will we, like, get his signature now??!!!!"
"This is no fair!!!!" Angela gave up jumping and crossed her arms over her chest, pouting. "Oh, why, I paid 500,000 zenny to come to this stupid port town just to see him!!!! So not cool!!!!"
"What-ever!!!" Jane sighed and settled down too. "So, anyways, have you read, like, that yaoi fanfic I posted a while ago?!!"
"The one with Riche Charme and Joieux Beauté(*)?!!! OMG, it was so good!!! Boy on boy action is so fulfilling."
"BTW, I heard he's, like, fighting somebody?! So like, you know, they're bound to lose right?!!"
"So true!!!" Angela squealed. "Not only is Riche, like, totally hot, because he's, like, a villain, he gets to be five times the level of, like, any hero that challenges him, like, no matter what."
"He's soooooo cool," Jane sighed dreamily. "There's no way he can, like, lose."
For maximum irony, we will now return to the fight.
"This can't be!..." Riche Charme staggered back, cluctching his wound. He dropped her rapier dramatically, gasping. "How did you...how could you...defeat me?!...I'm a villain..."
Sora twirled her sword and sheathed it in a very legendary fashion. "We're luscious. How could you expect less?"
"But I must be at least a million levels above you..."
Xyla shrugged. "Yeah, but it's a hero trait to be able to defeat any and all villains in a dramatic, nonsensical way even if the hero is ridiculously underleveled. Isn't that what we did to Sahwit a few months ago, Sora?"
"On that trial - I mean bounty hunt? Yeah, good times."
But then, Riche Charme stood with a flourish. He tossed his hair sexily, and suddenly his wounds were gone. "What is this?!" gasped Sora. Riche smirked sexily.
"This is the true power of lusciousity, which either of you have yet to know. But I will keep my word," he added, enjoying the sight of their shocked faces. "I will withdraw my troops from Palo."
He whistled sexily, and all the soldiers came marching up into formation. "Prepare to board the ships and return to Navarre," he ordered them, then turned back to Xyla and Sora. He bowed sexily. "It was an honor to fight with two such legendary warriors as you. I do hope we meet again."
Swirling his fur jacket around his shoulders, he pulled out shades and flicked then open coolly, pulling them on. He turned to smirk sexily at them one last time, and turned and boarded the ship.
It sailed off into the sunset, although it was around noontime.
Sora looked down after watching it sail away and saw Xyla on the ground again with another nosebleed. She slapped her forehead.
((Jane and Angela's dialogue took a lot of research. Wikipedia Valspeak for the end! The funny thing is that I kind of talk like them. XD At least I didn't have them say "dude"...
* - Joieux Beauté is a [ male ] villain who will be met sometime later. Unfortunately, he's also sexy, so Xyla prepared for nosebleeds.
Finally! This RP is done. So let's go to Mysterious Ninja Man Austin's House Next to the Art Shop in Elrand.
Also, I'm planning on adding one of those annoying subplots where either me or Xyla gets this inferiority complex like EVERY hero out there. Because of what Charme said about not yet knowing the true power of lusciousity. Ohohoho.))
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Post by Sora on Sept 12, 2007 22:40:59 GMT -5
[ One more thing: Actually, I was planning on defeating Charme by Mind Crushing him. XD But. Didn't work out I guess. Also, it was supposed to be revealed that my theory that it was actually Atra behind this wasn't true. Because you know how usually it's like that in stories? But in here it was just Navarre being an idiot and invading. Yep. The end. ]
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