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Post by chi <3 on Sept 11, 2007 23:18:21 GMT -5
chihiro walked under the eternal gaze of the moonlight in Moonlight City. She couldn't take the best pictures because of the constant darkness. She needed to travel to a far away land with more light. Chihiro sigh as she shuffled her soft beige velvet shoes across the path into her cottage. She collapsed onto her adjusting chair as the chair formed around ther body. She needed change in her life. The depressing status of darkness was too much for her. she wanted to see light again. Chihiro walked into her bedroom and started packing her belongings. Tomorrow, she will start her journey to a new city. Hopefully, she can hide her mutation from the world. She needed to privately practice controlling them, before unleasing them.
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Post by Kata on Sept 11, 2007 23:26:16 GMT -5
Nice. :]
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Post by Shiki on Sept 12, 2007 18:48:48 GMT -5
Keep tense the same... Instead of will use would... Add more detail and dialog in order to make your RP more interesting to read, and to give some more insight into your character's personality.
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Post by Sora on Sept 12, 2007 20:05:36 GMT -5
oh you're so heartless, Alex.
"Add more detail and dialog in order to make your RP more interesting to read, and to give some more insight into your character's personality."
She doesn't have to. I mean she's simply RPing that she's leaving, and you can't really do anything about that, right? And there's no one to talk to really. The details I will concede to. And. How can you give insight on your personality in this kind of RP? Keep the nitpick on the down lo, sir!
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Post by chi <3 on Sept 13, 2007 0:01:55 GMT -5
i was just trying to start the story so i can actually get somewhere T_T
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Post by Shiki on Sept 13, 2007 20:23:53 GMT -5
I NITPICK IT'S NOT MY FAULT! You can do a lot of stuff with that though... Add a few thoughts maybe randomly place in a few people dancing Kamori style. A couple of drunkards singing horribly. I mean c'mon I made a bank robbery, a pre-torture session dialog, and a chat with a love interest into stuff that's really long! But then again... Jenn isn't as random as the rest of us are... HERE JENN HAVE SOME "HAPPY DRINK"!
And staying in tense is one of the guidelines...
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Post by Keii on Sept 13, 2007 21:40:41 GMT -5
alex worry about ur own grammar. if we dont want to accept ur cra-i mean "destr-constructive criticism" we don't have to. and you should keep ur mouth shut. atleast add some love to ur words. i'd like a little bit of love.. that sounded hard gay.. or soft gay..
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Post by chi <3 on Sept 13, 2007 21:46:03 GMT -5
err. disturbed by what zak wrote. and that must mean u really dont kno me. im reaaaaly random according to my friends. i suck at staying in tense ookay!?! and im a noob so im in a learning process.
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Post by Shiki on Sept 13, 2007 22:04:32 GMT -5
alex worry about ur own grammar. if we dont want to accept ur cra-i mean "destr-constructive criticism" we don't have to. and you should keep ur mouth shut. atleast add some love to ur words. i'd like a little bit of love.. that sounded hard gay.. or soft gay.. I do worry about my grammar. If I find a mistake I edit my post. You don't have to take my criticism, but that doesn't mean I can't give it. I'm not really good with the love stuff, but I try mentioning something good wherever I can. She did better on her second RP, but you can still fix some things in your old ones. You don't have to but it's a time killer. I meant crazy.. not random.. crazy...
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Post by chi <3 on Sept 13, 2007 22:55:19 GMT -5
what... crazy??? T_T i dont have a lot of time though. i just procrasstinate between hw "breaks" so actually i do this while i do my hw.
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