Joined: Jul 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 1,082 Location: IN THE INFLATABLE HEAD LADY Karma: 8,388,607
DAB: Squeak Squawk « Thread Started on Jan 3, 2008, 11:02pm »
"Hey, you guys, look! There's something over there!" Selina called.
"It's a squirrel! What happened to it?"
"It's injured! I'll heal it back to health... hey, why don't we take it with us? "
Over by the lonely campfire, Xyla snorted as she poked at her suspicious looking stew. "Pssshhhh. Doesn't that new girl piss you off? She thinks she's all that, just cause she's got all that boobs! Well, my obnoxiously freaky eyes were here before her boobs!"
Sora gave her a look. "However insignificant I think your squinty eyes are, you're right about one thing. How dare she just waltz in here and steal our spotlight! We're the pwnsome likeable heroines!"
"Down with her boobs!"
"......doesn't that make them bigger? Er, anyway! I've got a plan..."
£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£» "Ouch! Something bit me on the ankle, brother!"
"What! Quite, will ya? I'm observing this ridiculous bunch of clowns!"
Meet Paul and Phillipe, your average model citizens. At this juncture of maturation, they are spying upon our merry group of travellers, concocting brilliant plans to relieve the group of their gold, food, and shampoo. Quality hair wash is hard to come by in the wild.
"Gah! This itches something fierce! I can't stop scratching it!"
"......doesn't that make it worst? Er, anyway! I've got a plan..."
"Brother, I just noticed we're sitting on an anthill."
"....shut up, Phillipe."
£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»
"Look, Selina's busy with that squirrel! Hurry, do it!" Sora urged.
With haste, Xyla rushed over to Selina's untouched bowl of food. "That should do the trick!"
"Done? Right, the next step...."
£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»
"Look!" Paul pointed as the tricky duo snuck into the campsite. "There's an unsuspicious bowl of food, left there conveniently! Imma dig in!"
"Brother, I don't think that's such a hot ide-"
Paul took a gulp of the stew, and his face promptly turned red.
"AHHHHHHHH THROAT.. BURNING..."
Phillipe grabbed a nearby bowl of water. "Here!!"
Paul gulped it down with relish. "Ah, that was among one of the most refreshing water I've ever drank.. ever... .... hey.... why's that creature growling at us?"
"Brother, I just noticed the bowl you drank from has the word Royal engraved on it."
"....shut up, Phillipe."
£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»
"Hay... Sora, did you hear some screaming and barking just now?" Xyla asked, looking up from her task at hand.
"Dunno, I thought I heard something strange... well, we'd better get out of Selina's tent in case the others hear the racket and catch us in the act..."
£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»
"THAT DARN ANIMAL!" Paul growled. I won't be able to sit for a month! And it's still making a commotion! Hurry, let's hide in here..."
The sly pair entered a nearby tent, where they instantly spotted a ornate giftbox on the table. Curiosity sat on and crushed common sense, and the brothers examined the box.
" 'To Selena, From Shinji' Huh. Interesting."
"It's... a toga, brother."
".........."
"Let's steal it, brother!"
"No, no, not like that! Watch and learn, lil bro, as a professional like I-self steal this ornate toga. If you steal the whole box, someone's bound to notice something was wrong instantly, see? That's why you steal the toga inside it! And just in case someone sees you carrying a toga and goes, 'Now there's someone downright suspicious', well, you wear the toga yourself! That way, if you get caught, you're just a traveler who got lost is all! ....hey, it itches something fierce.."
"Brother, I just noticed you must have put on a toga full of poison powder."
"....just... just shut up, Phillipe. GRAB WHATEVER YOU CAN AND RUN!"
The duo dashed out of the tent with miscellanous goods previously belonging to another, looked left and right, and ran in the direction of the woods.
"HALT! WHO GOES THERE?" a voice demanded nearby.
"IT'S SOMEONE WEARING A TOGA!"
"DOWNRIGHT SUSPICIOUS, IF YOU ASK ME, WEARING A TOGA!"
"HEY! STOP RIGHT THERE, TOGA-MAN, WHOEVER YOU ARE!" another voice yelled.
Twang, an arrow was shot. It found its mark.
...Paul was sure it was a Poison Arrow.
"Brother, I just noticed your bum just got owned by a Poison Arrow."
"....shut up, Phillipe."
£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»
"What kind of creeps would sneak into a lady's tent??" Selina demanded, angry tears in her eyes. "They even stole my shampoo..."
"It's all right, Selina! I'm sure those perverts will get their just deserts!" Shiki soothed.
Xyla glared at Selina with malice, and aimed a rubber chicken at her head. Three, two, one, toss... straight and true as an arrow the chicken went, towards Selina's head.....
....and a particularly suspicious strong wind picked up, and the rubber chicken was blown into a nearby chasm. ("Hey, I never noticed that was there before!" someone observantly observed.)
Squeak.
£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»
"Brother, I just noticed your hair turned shock pink," Phillipe commented.
"You know, somehow I'm not even surprised anymore," Paul said sadly.
The pair were soaking in a small spring they had found, eager to try out the shampoo they stole from the tent.
"When I said we'd pursue this line of work... I never thought it'd turn out this way," Paul sighed. "It's all so easy in books, isn't it? The dashing highwayman jumps out in front of a coach... the coachman reins in the horses, black as midnight.. the horses rear - the highwayman yells! 'YOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIFE!' The cowardly rich fat noble crawls out, begging for his life... 'TAKE IT ALL, TAKE IT ALL!' he'd sob. Then the highwayman takes the money and spends it all in a bar, where he gets acquainted with the local barmaid, who also happens to be a damsel in distress with enormous cleavage. Well - you know the rest. WHO KNEW - HOW WERE WE, TWO SOFT AND FOOLISH BROTHERS, TO KNOW THAT THE EARNEST COACHMAN WOULD BE SO BLIND AS TO RUN OVER US?? AND THIEVES! WHY, THIEVES IN BOOKS NEVER HAD TO EAT PEPPER, GET ATTACKED BY A FEROCIOUS CREATURE, PUT ON A TOGA OF ITCHY POWDER, OR GET SHOT BY POISONOUS ARROWS!"
"You forgot the part about your hair turning bright pink, Brother," Phillipe pointed out.
"Yes, thank you for that, Phillipe,"
There was a gloomy silence, broken only by....
"Brother, I just noticed.. the ground, our water.. it's.. rumbling.."
"....shut up, Phillipe."
£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»£»£¾£»
"Hey, look! There's something coming out of that chasm!" Haku, who had been acting as lookout, exclaimed. "I think... it's a demon of some sort!!"
"That's a hazard to my shmexy hair!"
"I wonder if I can rent that chasm out to someone...?"
"Ouch, I tripped on a rock! That hurt! Wait, what did that have to do with anything? Kyousei, ohohoho.."
"Xyla, what have you done?" Sora whispered, glaring at her mournfully.
I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of Old, and to the old!Republic for which it stands, one Nation under Oldbag, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all
SDMATAWWBLTH - super duper awesome man that any woman would be lucky to have
Sora's 600th PMer!
Therefore by transitive property...
Sora The Bartender Formerly Known as Pharoah I do not have to be shot member is offline
omg SHEEP D:
Joined: Jul 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 1,636 Location: in the Millenium Puzzle Karma: 8,388,607
Re: DAB: Squeak Squawk « Reply #7 on Jan 28, 2008, 8:04pm »
Quote:
I'll do it if Alex wants me to. But uh.
I don't know what Xyla intended to happen next :< Well actually, all I need to know is if the chasm = the hot spring. Then yes, I can.
hmm, yes, I'd tap that. And like I said...we can just skip the demon fighting, honestly, if that's what's cramping our style then we should just move on.
Joined: Jun 2007 Gender: Male Posts: 190 Location: someone's golden buttocks 8O Karma: 1,336
Dessert and Dinner « Reply #8 on Jan 30, 2008, 1:10am »
[imagine we're on higher ground; if you looked into the chasm there would be a hot spring]
Something mysterious floated up out of the chasm, along with an oh-so-dramatic rushing up of hot spring water.
Two figures could be seen in the distant sky.
"Brother, we're blasting off again!"
"....shut up, Phillipe."
"MUFUFAHAHAWAKAKAKEKEKEKEWOHOHOHOHNYEKYEKYEKYEK" said a reddish figure with gumption. He had two mediocre sized horns, a regular tail, and a face that was a very normal kind of scary. He was larger than your normal person, but not of giant proportions--an utterly normal size.
"..."
"I wonder if he needs a throat lozenge?" Selina thought out loud while tending to her woodland friends that magically appear out of nowhere because of her boobs.
"No, it's obviously a demon." Haku stated flatly while looking it over [the demon, not the boobs] and finding nothing impressive. ((the boobs are muy impressive))
"Yeah, don't be silly Ms. McBoobsALot," chimed in Keii thoughtfully who was petting Royal.
"Really, knockers that big are deserving of names, you know." Sora said as she sipped her tea.
"..."
"I KNOW!" said Xyla jumping up from the ground. points* "THAT ONE IS DESSERT!" points to the other* "AND THAT ONE IS DINNER!" Xyla exclaimed gleefully while striking an objectionable pose.
'How in the name of fark did I end up with these dumbsh*ts' Shiki wondered to himself as he gets ready to vanquish the weird red thing, while his subconscious agrees that 'Dessert & Dinner' are brilliant names.
"HEY! STOP STARING AT HER CHEST AND STARE AT ME! BEHOLD I AM THE GREAT ACHMED, DESTROYER OF WORLDS."
"Yes, um, sorry Achmed, its just her breasts are much more interesting than your flaming red horns of lameness." Sora said bluntly.
"I DO CONCEDE THAT HER RACK IS UNLIKE ANYTHING I HAVE SEEN BEFORE. HOWEVER--"
"Were you sent here by Ater to destroy us like the other 6,742 'destroyers of worlds'"?
"..NO. WHO IS THIS "AY-TUR" YOU SPEAK OF. I HAVE BEEN SENT MY THE MIGHTY YAMMOM WHOOZLAIM WHO DWELLS IN THE CENTER OF FYSALLIDA. IT IS HE WHO CONTROLS THE FATE OF ALL YOU PUNY MORTALS. NOW PREPARE FOR YOUR DEMISE~"
"..."
"GREAT BALLS OF FIRE, HE'S GOT GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!" Keii kindly informed the others.
He hurled the spheres of flame that were on fire, positive that it would incinerate our heroes.
But Haku manipulated some water--that was of course nearby because of Selina's boobs--and doused the flames, rendering the balls fire-less.
"AUGH! MY BALLS!"
"Don't bother using your weapons," Shiki informed the rest of them, "they might get infected with 'loser' if they make contact. Let's just wait until spontaneous combustion kicks in."
"..HEY!" Keii shouted.
???
"how do you spell Achmed.."
"..."
"FOOLISH FOOLS WHO WOULD FOOLISHLY DARE TO BE FOOLS BY IGNORING ME, THE GREAT ACHMED, THUS RENDERING YOURSELVES FOOLISHLY FOOLISH FOOLS. YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO KNOW MY NAME, SO YOU SHALL PERISH FIRST"
Achmed breathes a breath of flamey fire and it heads toward Keii. But, as Fate would have it, it only singes the remains of what was left of his rainbow-gay-cloak, as well as thoroughly burning Royal's favorite chew toy to a crisp.
This, of course, angers the most dangerous member of the group, and he proceeds to bite the Achmed in the posterior.
"AUGH, MY MEDULLA OBLONGATA!"
"Royal! That isn't sanitary! You might get 'Douche'!" scolded Sora.
Royal, now aware of the various diseases that he could contract from further biting, let go and fell back onto..Keii's back."
"I HAVE SUSTAINED 15 DAMAGE POINTS."
"'kay, I'm getting a migraine." Haku said in an agitated tone. He douses the demon with some more water, and promptly freezes it, leaving Achmed with a perpetual "AUGH!" expression.
The block of ice promptly falls into the chasm and the hot spring is dramatically restored in a magical manner.
"Ah, yes, another demon vanquished, all thanks to the power of Dessert and Dinner." Xyla mused.
"..."
"I think they need a theme song."
"Shall we go on to Necelle , then?" said Selina, blissfully unaware of all of the boob-smack talk.
"Mmm..yes, lead the way. Everyone, follow the talking cleavage."
I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of Old, and to the old!Republic for which it stands, one Nation under Oldbag, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all
![[Home]](http://s4.images.proboards.com/menu/home.gif)
![[Help]](http://s4.images.proboards.com/menu/help.gif)
![[Search]](http://s4.images.proboards.com/menu/search.gif)
![[Login]](http://s4.images.proboards.com/menu/login.gif)
![[Register]](http://s4.images.proboards.com/menu/register.gif)
![[Search This Thread]](http://s4.images.proboards.com/search2.gif)
![[Reply]](http://s4.images.proboards.com/buttons/reply.gif)
![[Send Topic To Friend]](http://s4.images.proboards.com/buttons/sendtopic.gif)
![[Print]](http://s4.images.proboards.com/buttons/print.gif)
Author
![[avatar]](http://img507.imageshack.us/img507/9962/mayora13fh3.jpg){kind=small}
![[yim]](http://s4.images.proboards.com/yim.gif)
![[msn]](http://s4.images.proboards.com/msn.gif)
![[aim]](http://s4.images.proboards.com/aim.gif)
![[homepage]](http://s4.images.proboards.com/buttons/www_sm.gif)
![[Quote]](http://s4.images.proboards.com/buttons/quote.gif)
Logged![[image]](http://doll-doll.com/doll02.gif)
![[image]](http://img142.imageshack.us/img142/9292/mayood9.gif)
![[avatar]](http://i101.photobucket.com/albums/m49/sffadsad/Not-Friendly.gif)
![[image]](http://i9.tinypic.com/712leh5.gif)
![[avatar]](http://img257.imageshack.us/img257/2956/omgsheepcopyqf5.jpg)
![[image]](http://doll-doll.com/doll06.gif)
![[avatar]](http://img126.imageshack.us/img126/9822/lololololam2.gif)
![[image]](http://img383.imageshack.us/img383/9264/oldbagnz6.png)
![[image]](http://img110.imageshack.us/img110/3521/13423855xm6.png)
![[avatar]](http://i190.photobucket.com/albums/z9/zakiazz/gin.gif)
![[image]](http://i190.photobucket.com/albums/z9/zakiazz/ingusblackbelt.jpg)
fury~!